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So it is unsurprising that many have romantic, sexual relationships with men who enjoy being submissive: so much so they become their slaves. Madame C explains: "Clients come with a list — I'm a platform for their desires and fantasies, and they pay for it. Their job, she explains, is to "release her from the k mundane", be that through leaning over the ironing board or bending over for a good spanking.
Miss Scarlet Letter also has her "boy" — real name Rob Martin — who keeps house while she goes to what she calls her "vanilla" job. BDSM is entirely personal for them; neither earns money from it. They are in a monogamous relationship and at some point will have "a collaring", a marriage-like ceremony of commitment. With slaves, submission is total. Another, referring to himself as "dog", declined to talk to us because "as a dog it is not permitted to hold opinions or make decisions without the express approval of its bountiful owner".
Some people get off on both domination and submission — known in the scene as a "switch". Lewis North loves being told what to do he used to clean his dominatrix's club dressed in a tabard and panties but also, at times, likes to take control. It depends whether you fancy tying someone up or being tied up, like whether you fancy the chicken or the fish. My girlfriend was jealous and I'm keen for that not come up again. It's not just women who like to crack the whip; Master Cosmic is a dominant male.
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He has polyamorous relationships with women, but enjoys "play" in a wider sense: "I'm straight — but for me not all aspects of fetish are sexual. But will you find him in my bed in the morning? Master Cosmic is pictured here in a wolf mask, which is both costume and identity protection. There is a feeling of empowerment," he explains.
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But he also has to hide so there's no risk of being recognised. Master Cosmic offers the most vehement howl against the ongoing prejudice towards alternative sexuality in the UK: "There is still a lot of stigma attached.
A lot of people can't say what they're doing in case they lose their jobs — journalists, doctors, teachers, social workers cannot be open about this side of their lives. Perhaps we're not so comfortable with people's private sexual predilections after all. Several people I speak to are either fearful of losing their job, or acknowledge there are fields they could never work in now; others have had difficult experiences telling friends and family.
Mistress Jezebel tells me that she couldn't be with "someone who isn't interested [in BDSM] because it is part of me". And everyone remembers being aware of their tendencies at a young age — Madame C was "always a bit of a bully"; Mistress Jezebel was always "pretty bossy"; Lewis dabbled in transvestism as "a wee boy". Master Cosmic can pinpoint the exact moment: "I was sitting on the climbing frame with a bag of sweets, going, 'Beg for them The other thing they have in common?
BDSM makes them happy. They find fulfilment in it, beyond just dirty sexy thrills. And as far as they're concerned, there's no harm in that. So it's tempting to conclude, "Well, as long as they're not hurting anyone The Independent's Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships.
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